Feeling insecure

..and emotional.. and hormonal.. facepalm.

This has nothing to do with creating but it is just something that happened to me today so thought I’d share this incase you would find it as amuzing as the rollercoaster has been for me.

The monthly maintenance is here (ladies know and for guys; it’s the crazy time of the month that doesn’t need a full moon) and even tho I’m never angry or on a bad mood during that time, quite the opposite actually, I’m currently feeling so over the top emotions thaaat I keep on crying..

About.

Every.

Single.

Thing. …While laughing at myself because I just can’t seem to be able to keep myself together! And because I’m not actually sad! I haven’t even cried about sad things!

I cried this morning while listening to Superfans by Pat Flynn when he told how Lego-fans rescued Lego Company from Bankruptcy. Second time a few minutes later when he described how Foo Fighters let an fan join them for on a stage to perform a song with the band. Third was a reel about an gorilla and the last bit of sanity went with a reel of an cute as can be marriage proposal. She said yes.

So if anything; Happy tears.

I distracted myself quite well with cleaning most of the day, feeling good about myself (and then crying while laughing about the same thing) and planning on what to create next while listening to Audiobook “48 laws of Power” which basically says keep your enemies close and to never trust a friend.. o.Ö ….So far there are many good points, yet the way it’s told is giving me a feeling of someone with a lot of unresolved issues. But I’m still on the first chapter so I’ll give it a benefit of a doubt as it seemed to be quite highly recommended and many brilliant people have a lot of unsolved issues.

Then I started to overthink about this power play in the games of dating and what is that game to start with.. If “sending a message or not sending it” is a game but if you acknownledge that it could be a game and you dont do it, are you now just playing the game in reverse? Like, how you do not play the game? And if you “dont play the game” aren’t you just ultimately deciding that you’re not making any effort just to be safe? And obviously that escaleded from my insecurities to thinking about my vanity and maybe I should just let things be as they are and focus on my art… which then escalated further:

BUT WHAT IF I FAIL IN ART!?!

Aaand that thought calmed me down. Not because I think I’m great but because there’s no failing in art. You can do bad art for sure, but who the f*ck cares? It’s not like I could stop creating.

And with this thought I can start working on those demon eyes ones more.

Bloom my inner demons bloom ♥